family pictures

I would like to share family photos with my family and friends.  Most of our albums are packed away since deciding to get house ready to sell.  We all know what that means de-cluttering, which mean less of us.  So just have few of my favorites still here, our wedding pic, Carrie and Mike's wedding, special pic of Christian and the ones of our travels. Alaska, Ireland, Gulf of Mexico. 

Its turn cooler here in last few days, was 32 degrees on Thursday morning the 15th, that's a little soon even for Minnesota.  Today we are have some siding replaced, and hopefully we got the right paint to match what is on the house.  East side fade more that west side so we did our best to match up each side. 

Virgil is easing in to his retirement and so am I, so far we are both doing okay with it.  There has been some adjusting for each of us, but hey we are still here and that's what's counts.  Just about all done with things with the business and that is great to be done with that.  We are both feeling good, keeping busy with getting the house ready to sell inside and out.  We will going to North Carolina in Oct to see the kids over the MEA week that Carrie has off, really looking forward to see them and the fall colors should be great down there.  Well enough of this lets puts come pictures one this site. I've added the link below so  you can see the pictures, best way to load on the blog.

http://barnesballardfamily.shutterfly.com/

Someday

Someday, why is it that everyone says it will be better someday. I've even said it! I know it does get easier I've walked though my share of grief over the last 60 years, but some how its different each time. The lost of Grand Parents, Step Mom & Step Dad and my own Father, but the lose of a Son is so much harder.

As I read the blog of my friend (Tweets from my nest) as she walks through the lose of her husband with grace and faith. I am so encouraged by her and by the Lord himself that I do know that it will get easier with time. The Lord keeps reminding me that he has all things in His hands, I know He is a good God and loves us so much. Its just some times hard to see the end of the valley where I know the sun comes up each day, so I just keep breathing in and out and living one day at a time.

I must remind myself its okay to cry and to miss his face and know that I will see him again, just not here on this earth, but oh to hold him one more time and say I do love you. I will wait and can wait for I know one day it will come to pass I will hold my son once again.

February

Well its the end of February and I'm doing okay. Its been 10 weeks since Christian death and some days its very hard to doing anything else except just sit, but it is getting better. As I set here in the office I'm surrounded by photo albums that I need to go through, so I can finish the memory album I started for Christian a year ago. Now I will finish it for his son Sequoia.

I have a set a goal for this, I need to be finish so I can send to Sequoia before April 29th (which is Christian's 40th birthday). I know this will be bitter sweet as I go though the photos of our early lives becoming a family, as both kids grow up again before my eyes. My mother told me when I was pregnant with Christian take a lot of pictures, its important to catch all the little things they do. Time stands still for no one! We did take a lot of pictures, we are talking about 39 years of photos!!!

So the journey begins stepping back in time to watch our family grow, change and live again as only they can though the lens of a camera.

Saying GoodBye

1-11-11

Well, I'm here in Anderson been here since Dec 30th, Mom is doing better her spirits are good, her back is hurting more, may be time for another shot. Will be 90 days on Jan 19th from the last shot she had in Oct. Its been warmer here than at home, but on about 5 days of sunshine so far and I head home on Sat the 15th. As I set here I find it hard to put into words that Christian's ashes are here with me in a beautiful marble urn in a cardboard box on the dresser in the bedroom off of Mom's dinner room. Tomorrow the 12th it will be a month since his death it seem like a life time.

Pam and I got back from Sacramento yesterday Monday the 10th after spending Sat evening and Sunday night at the Holiday Express on Auburn Blvd. We had dinner at Mike's with Karrin and Lindsey was good visit. Mike will meet us Sunday morning about 11:30am to head down to Oakland for Christian Memorial, it will be at the house where he was living and where he died. 593 62d St Oakland Ca. We decided to bring Christian home, so I will need to make arrangements for that.

Rikki, did a nice job for the memorial, she had lots of pictures, flowers and food, we got there about 1:15pm and its started at 2:00pm, so Pam help set up and Mike stayed with me, they were so great and a great support to me. There were about 25 people including us that came, Rikki sang a song with her godson on the base fidel was a nice way to start, then she opened it up to other for sharing. As it began each person shared that Christian was kind, sharing and hopeful and helpful person, a gentle soul and willing to take time to help, talked or do what ever was need to help his friends and family. Was a mix of people, those he had worked with and for at Options, computer store, the rehab house @1020 where he stayed during his rehab, then became the house manager, from the school where he got his computer repair certification and the was teaching others.

They spoke of his love of working on the computers and his love for cooking and sharing with them what he know about both. They spoke of his laugh and smile and his love for Sequoia, his wanting them to be successful in learning the computer repair, and those who were going through rehab and those who had completed it to learn to live clean and happy life's and to be successful in all the strive to do. Was good to hear that his love touch many and that he touch them in a positive way that they will remember him with love and affection.

I was the last to speak, I read what I had written and after many came to me and thank my for who Christian was and his life, they said they could see my influence in his life, his gentle soul and his caring spirit for those who were in his life. It was nice to hear, many told me that he loved us, his family and know that we loved him; he was truly beginning to know and love his self. I am so glad that I came, I need to hear and see how others saw and loved my son. I am very proud of him, and I thank God that his hand was always on my son's life, for the talents he gave him, Christian was good and kind soul.

This is what I wrote and read at the Memorial:

Thank you all for coming and helping us honor Christian's life. What does a mother said about her son? How does a mother express the love, sorrow and the hole that is left in her heart. Christan was a gift to me, giving by a loving God and a kind Savior, he was mine to love, and hold and to be proud of, not always to agree with, but to always love and cherish.

He was a funny kid, a rambunctious boy who loved his hot wheels, loved to jump the homemade ramp in the backyard, he also loved to take things apart to see how they worked. He loved his baby sister Carrie Ann when she came into his world, loved to play with her, protect her and pick on her.

He loved to ride his bike with the kids in the neighbor in NE Minneapolis, and play ball in the street late into the summer evenings, and the game nights we had playing Uno, Trouble, card games like Hearts and 21. He loved his parents when we brought the Atari home. He loved our driving trips to California to see his Grandma and the rest of the family, we'd play games, sing along with Mom and Dad's 60's songs. He like to fly with his Dad and didn't really like it when he had to wash the airplanes, but loved hanging out at the airport.

Christian was kind and caring; a young man who didn't always make the right choices, but we have all been there. He became a Dad and that rocked his world, he loved being a Dad to Sequoia, he wanted to be the best Dad he could be. He loved his son more than life its self and was so very proud of Sequoia. I know its going to he hard for Sequoia, but he has his fathers heart and his life will be a reflection of Christian's.

We love you Christian very much and we are proud of the father you became and the man you were turning out to be. His Father, Sister and I will forever miss his funny smile and the way he spoke his heart and mind.

Christian we will miss you, as we who are left behind take solace in the fact we will one day be reunited with you and the rest of those who are with you in Heaven. My pray for us all is that, God our Father is holding you close and that He helps us to remember the best of you and your life.

How does a mother say Goodbye to her dear son, I don't say Goodbye. I will say, see you later; for I know as sure as I'm standing here I will hug you again and we will laugh at your Dad's jokes and we will be four together again.

Now we begin to live our lives as 3 and remember the goodness of the One.

Christian you will be missed greatly, love Mom